Even Adults Have Trouble Saying ‘No’.

If parents and guardians could make their children’s choices for them, they surely would

The reality is that as they reach their teens, young people are faced with an expanding set of options that require decisions that only they can make. Parents and guardians can educate about the dangers of today’s world, and the rocky road that must be navigated, but ultimately only young people can choose which path to take.

As well as providing children with knowledge of the world, there is one more thing that parents and guardians can do. Providing the information needed to make choices is not enough. Even if they know what the ‘right’ choice is, committing to that choice is a very different ball game.The Seven Principles of RESPECTisms recognises this and offers parents and guardians ways to support their children through the process.

It’s such a small word, yet even adults often have trouble saying ‘no’. We don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, appear selfish or diminish ourselves in the eyes of others. For young people, who are still establishing their own boundaries, those pressures are magnified many times over.

As adults, it can be hard for us to remember just how hard it was when we were making the decisions that shaped who we would become. It’s easy to talk of simple choices. Either you work to pass your exams or you don’t. Either you hang out with the wild kids or you don’t. Of course it is not that easy. The issue is more likely to be ‘either I hang out with those friends and do what they do, or I don’t and get teased for being uncool’. The problem is often that both choices have clear benefits.

The stories in The Seven Principles of RESPECTisms draw young people into fictional scenarios that they may find only too familiar but then takes participants one step further. These are not black and white parables about right and wrong. The drama lies in the struggles that the characters face as they wrestle with decisions and confront their pasts and futures. The stories provide practical examples that illustrate the ways in which young people must weigh up the pros and cons of their decisions and own the consequences of the choice they make.

This commitment is something no parent or guardian can make on behalf of a child. Young people need to truly believe that their decision is in their best interests and they need the resources to withstand the fallout that may accompany independent thinking. Many parents of teenagers lament that their children are only too good at saying no and disagreeing with their elders.The Seven Principles of RESPECTisms fosters this independent-mindedness, but directs it along channels that will truly serve young people’s development and aspirations.

Saying no is about self-knowledge and self-respect, as much as right and wrong. Young people need the courage to insist that they are not coerced into self-destructive behaviour or even illegal acts. That self-respect protects children in their friendships and romantic relationships. It can keep them safe from physical harm and an array of other social pitfalls, because it also encourages empathy for others, and understanding of their boundaries and integrity, it is also key to harmonious family interactions.

The stories of Eddie and Sarah in The Seven Principles of RESPECTisms help young people to understand that other people (friends, and even caregivers) may act to satisfy themselves at the expense of others. Blaming them for selfishness or ignorance achieves nothing. By saying no to pressure and enticement, young people are taking responsibility for their own security, satisfaction and success.

How well equipped are your children to stand up for themselves when the situation demands? Saying no is not about being negative. Its about changing lives for the better.

By Ken Barnes